These are the vows that Seth and TJ exchanged during their ceremony. They each authored their vows independently and in secret. Not surprisingly, their vows ended up being similar a similar format and tone. Read their vows below.
It's no secret that between the two of us, I'm probably the mushier of the two. So we're going to see if I can get through this without my voice cracking. Even when I sat down to start writing my vows, I got nervous. I did what any engineer does when faced with a problem they have little experience in - I googled how to do it.
Unfortunately Seth's corporate overlords were of no help to me. The internet was full of many sentimental words and tips on how to correctly compose wedding vows. "Be funny" it said, "be serious", "be yourself". Nothing anyone else had written quite matched my feelings, or captured what I wanted to promise to you today. So I am going to start at the beginning of our story and see where it takes us.
When I first got to Pittsburgh I was in a weird headspace. For years I had been living by that famous quote, that - "if I worked to be the best of the best at what I did, it wouldn't matter who I was". I had spent my formative years not so much hiding my sexuality, but just being unwilling to accept it. Eventually I worked up a scheme to try a dating app under a burner identity - a fake name, email, everything - to try to avoid any crossover with my professional and personal life. Ironically I think this is what caught your attention: matching with a mystery profile was a puzzle you could solve. Neither of us could have predicted what would come next. You showed me that people would accept me for who I was, and that I would be happier living an authentic life. Through this process you supported me, and challenged me. I was, and am still, in awe of you. You are strong, and smart, and stubborn. But also sweet, dedicated, and thoughtful. Together we have assembled Ikea furniture, survived a global pandemic, adopted a sassy dog, and even survived purchasing a new home together not once, but twice! When we work together there is nothing we cannot accomplish, and I'm very excited to soon be able to call you my husband.
I know that being married will not always be easy. The internet described married life like "having a sleepover with your best friend every night for the rest of your life." Given how much we enjoy board games, that's probably more accurate that the internet even knows. But even the best of friends fight, or go through rough patches in life. I vow to stand by you through life's hard times. I promise to give you space when you need it, and to work through our frustrations so we don't go to bed angry. I promise to embezzle some Reese's from work when I know you've had a rough day. I promise to read you the online walkthroughs for old video games as you play, so we can collect every possible item in the game before attempting the final boss. I promise to listen to you when you're trying to tell me something. But more than all of these things I will endeavor to be the man who deserves your love.
I want to focus my thoughts here using this ring. For those who can't quite see all the details, this ring is made from pieces of the Gibeon meteorite that exploded over Africa in prehistoric times. The metal was formed in a superheated state and cooled over the course of four billion years in space. Imagine that, wandering through the universe for millenia, only to end up crashing onto this blue marble, lured here by the tides of fate…and gravity. Winding up right here with you, and me, and all of us. If we could spend four billion years together, it would still not be enough, so I promise to make the most out of every moment we share.
Now, if you'll give me your hand, I would consider myself the luckiest man in the galaxy. I love you, more than my clumsy metaphors can express. And with this ring, I vow that you won't be wandering the galaxy alone.
TJ, after we decided to write our own vows, I began covertly compiling ideas, quotes, qwirks, and quips from our 7 Wonders years together. After just 2 weeks, I was hovering around ~50 pages, and I had no idea how I was going to take this random stream of consciousness and turn it into something meaningful...
Usually, when I'm faced with an insurmountable challenge, I come to you for help. You turn my chaos into comfort, and you turn my stubbornness into strength... After discarding plans A-through-E for legal reasons, I arrived at plan F - AI. I posed different large language models a simple question: "What does TJ mean to me?".
ChatGPT replied (quote) "TJ could be the initials of a person's name."
And it was at this point that I knew humanity still had a few
years left in this fight.
Perplexity AI said (quote) ".tj is the Internet country code top-level domain for Tajikistan." I genuinely did not know that, which is quite surprising given the number of domains I own. In a Call to Adventure, I purchased "sethloves.tj", which now proudly hosts our iconic wedding photo.
Lastly, I asked Bard. Now I have to set some context though: for those not aware, most "AIs" are just glorified search engines acting on public data. But Bard is trained on my data. I gave it access to all of my Google data - including the emails TJ sends me, the photos I sneak of him, and the places we've traveled together. So when I asked Bard "What does TJ mean to me?", it searched through that entire corpus of data and replied:
I cannot tell you what TJ means to you, but I can tell you that TJ is:
TJ - you are all those things to me, and so much more. Bard's 3-second computation was more accurate and more poetic than the hundreds of drafts I'd written thus far.
So it was at this point that I knew humanity was doomed... but I went back to the drawing board to do something with which no AI could ever compete. TJ, every day with you is a gift, and this is my "thank you" note:
When I first met you in My City - our city - I never could have predicted what the universe would have in store for us. Navigating a gay relationship is like simultaneously playing 50 games of Chess - all against Grand Masters. So never in a million years did I expect this random guy I met "on an app" would one day be standing on the other side of an altar.
But you are. And while we're here, I'd like to make a few promises to you...
I promise to always say "I'm Sorry" when my flaws make you sad.
I promise to act like I didn't have a Clue the next time you propose to me,
and I promise to keep my Post-It note usage limited to love-notes on your
nightstand.
I promise to simultaneously laugh and cry when you cut and Connect 4 or 5 or 10 of those Post-It notes together to form a beautiful and romantic love letter that somehow also emits creepy ransom letter vibes.
I promise to always disconnect the circuit from the PowerGrid before playing
with electricity...
even though we all know that 110 volts is probably fine.
I promise to always put your very minor height advantage and egregious
Wingspan to good use,
even though you still have no idea where the ice cream scoop goes.
Whether our adventures take us Near or Far,
whether they take us Above and Below,
and whether it happens Now or Never,
I promise to always plan the logistics for your airplane Ticket,
To Ride with you on the Heathrow Express,
and to be your "man in the chair" while you're behind the wheel...
because you have so many other admirable qualities besides navigation.
I promise to endure any future Pandemics with you,
even though this one has left more than enough Legacy behind.
I promise to always fight by your side, on the battlefield, on a Battleship, or in the trench warfares of Troublesome and sleepless nights during puppy training.
I promise to try and be on a different Wavelength every so often,
because I think it's starting to freak out our friends when we finish each other's sentences.
And finally, I promise to always "Risk it for that Biscuit" with you on
this Game of Life...
up to and including embedding 20 board game
references in these promises to you.
Qwirkle.
(pause for laughter)
21.
On a more serious note,
TJ, I have infinite flaws,
yet each morning you somehow look past them and love me for who I am.
You forgive me when I mess up.
You materialize a silver lining out of any situation.
You make me happy in ways I've never been happy before.
Your existence makes me smile.
The Golden Rule says to treat others as we would like to be treated,
but I have to accept defeat.
Because while I endeavor to improve with every moment,
I will never be as kind, loving, or caring as you.
You've got me beat - fair and square.
Each and every day,
from the moment I met you,
you've made me a better person.
TJ - thank you, and I love you with all my heart.
Copyright © 2023 Seth Vargo and TJ Watson